Scars
by Nenshite
Summary: A dedication to Abel. Songfic to Papa Roach's song, Scars. [Abelcentric]


As most of you know, I adore Abel. He goes through so much crap day after day, that I had to write this songfic. The song is from Papa Roach's song "Scars". I heard it on the radio, and I started crying.

This one is for you, Abel.

* * *

Scars

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
My scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel _

Abel Nightroad sat down sat at a cafe chair to have himself his daily routine. With a heavy heart, he forces himself to smile at the waitress who was taking his order. After she looked at him with an odd expression when he ordered thirteen lumps of sugar, she walked off, and mumbled something to herself.

He always thought himself as a worthless being, who was foolish to even show his face in the daytime. He hated the times he absent mindedly reminded himself of the past, which embedded itself into his memory forever. But there was one thing he would never regret: his love for Lilith. She ws a caring, and loving person. She cared for mankind, despite all the treacherous things they've done, but cared for them still. She was like his mother to him, and thus learned to love like her. Maybe that was his weakness, he thought to himself time and time again. But what would the world be without love? Well, half of it knew not love, but hate and destruction itself.

_Drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
I'm pissed cause you came around _

When his tea arrives with its sugar luxe, he gratefully recieves it with a slight sigh. He never knew why he liked thirteen lumps, but it just improves the taste, that's all. What's wrong with that? With another sigh, he takes a sip, and savors the sugar. He loved it so much, he could live off it. Everytime he had a cup, he felt different. It soothed his aching mind like no other. It was his addiction...a drug. Like an alcoholic, he was hooked to it like grim death.

Sometimes he would want to be alone, and this would worry Caterina and Esther. Caterina especially. She was very fond of him, since he saved her life so many years ago. Today, feeling depressed, yet again, he comes here for fulfillment...for his drug. He just wanted to be alone. To regroup once more.

He will always be angry at his brother, Cain. And he will await the day they will meet face-to-face, and finish him off permanently. He knew forgiveness was the only way, but Cain did something unforgiveable by Abel's standards. He killed the only one that mattered to him; the only one that put meaning into his life. He would never forgive him for those nine-hundred years he wept by Lilith's body. He would never forget it.

_Why don't you just go home  
Cause you channel all your pain  
And I can't help to fix myself  
Your making me insane  
All I can say is_

Everyday he feels exhausted. Exhausted from crying, exhausted from hiding. Hiding his true inner feelings. He masquerades as a bumbling idiotic priest that wanders the halls, hungry for food. He sure did fool them, he fooled them so much when he fell, they laughed. They laughed, saying, "There he goes again!" or "That Abel, what will we ever do with him?". At times it sickened him. At one point he actually had the thought of taking his own life, to find his lifeless body alone, to show that no one understood, that no one actually cared.

But that wasn't Lilith's way.

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
My scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Just as he sips the last drop, small tears swell in his eyes, then eventually sprinkling down his cheeks, and onto the glass table. He puts down his four dinars, and walks out with his head hung. He felt his heart break in two again, as he walks past children racing around him, fleeing from the other. Their chatter was joyous, which usually made the father joyous as well.

But not today.

Today, he felt like a piece of garbage everyone disreguarded and forgot. Like yesterday's newspaper, thrown out, and burnt. Like an outcast that no one wanted. he just wanted to be alone, and alone with his thoughts. Day after day he wanders into the town, hearing the chatter of people laughing, crying, and so many vibes He would refuse to detect. No one said 'hi' to him today. No one said 'excuse me' after bumping into him. Just two more blocks, and he would let it go. Let all the tears flow that were held up inside of him.

_I tried to help you once  
A kiss will only vise  
I saw you going down  
But you never realized  
That you're drowning in the water  
So I offered you my hand  
Compassions in my nature  
Tonight is our last dance_

He remembered vividly Lilith's death. Every moment, every second, and every drop of blood she shed...to Cain. The son of a bitch that slaughtered the one he truely loved. Arriving at the gate, he slowly pushes it open, and walks ahead on through. A few yards from him was a concrete building, a overground tomb. Slowly he pushes the heavy door open, revealing torches inside on walls that framed a red pod in the center. He stands, staring at the beauty that lay inside it, in peaceful slumber. Then, like a lost child, drops to his knees, mourning for his everlasting love. His neverending love for Lilith.

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
My scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

As his tears fell, he could feel her arms wrapped around his quivering, aching body. Her fingers lovingly stroking through his hair, whispering sweet words in the air. But he couldn't. Not anymore. He cries for Lilith, and Lilith alone. He wished it were him that befell to his bother's hand, but alas, it wasn't so.

_I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life  
I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life _

Slowly rising to his feet, he wipes his tears away, he could hear her words. "Abel, be strong. Be strong for yourself, Abel. Be strong...". But he shook his head. "No. I will only be strong for you, my love." And with that, he bids farewell to her red grave, and walks out with his chin up, and biting his lip to refrain from anymore tears. As the sun slowly sets, the ghostly silhuette of a warrior, bathed with robes walks out into the night, and reminding himself why he was here. What his mission was.

And he vowed to finish Lilith's duty.

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
My scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_


End file.
